Why am I scared to pray boldly?

Today I’m in the mood to wrestle with thoughts normally reserved for quiet introspection.  The thoughts bumping around in my heart and head today are about boldness and prayer.

I have to admit I’m sometimes scared to pray boldly.

It’s not at all that I don’t believe God can do anything.  I absolutely do. I’m a wild about Jesus girl.  Wild in my willingness.   Wild in my obedience.  Wild in my adventures with God.

After all, I think Jesus would rather reign in a wild stallion than kick a dead mule any day of the week.

So, my hesitation isn’t rooted in any kind of doubt about God.

It’s more rooted in a doubt about myself and my ability to absolutely discern the will of God.  The reality is sometimes God chooses not to do things.  And if His will is no- while I am boldly praying for a yes- it makes me feel out of step with God.

Can anyone relate?

I so desperately want to stay in the absolute will of God that I find myself praying with clauses sometimes.  Like, “God please heal my friend but if it’s your will to take her, I will trust you.”  I wonder why I don’t just boldly pray, “God, please heal my friend.”  And then stand confidently that my prayers were not in vain no matter what the outcome.

The reality is, my prayers don’t change God.  But, I am convinced prayer changes me.  It boots me out of that stale place of religious habit into authentic connection with God Himself.

Prayer opens my spiritual eyes to see things I can’t see on my own.  And I am convinced prayer changes circumstances.  Prayers are powerful and effective if prayed from the position of a righteous heart (James 5:16).

So, prayer does make a difference- a life-changing, mind-blowing, earth-rattling difference.  We don’t need to know how.  We don’t need to know when.  We just need to kneel confidently and know the tremors of a simple Jesus girl’s prayers, extend far wide and far high and far deep.

Letting that absolute truth slosh over into my soul, snuffs out the flickers of hesitation.  It bends my stiff knees.  And it ignites a fresh, bold and even more wild fire within.  Not bold as in bossy and demanding.  But bold as in I love my Jesus with all my heart so why would I offer anything less than an ignited prayer life.

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen.  Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.  And when you pray, do not keep babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your father knows what you need before you ask him,” (Jesus speaking in Matthew 6:6-8).

So let’s ask.  And ask again.  Not so that we can cause the movement of God.  But rather so that we can position our souls to be able to see our sweet Jesus move in any which way He pleases.